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50?

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Here’s something I came up with last month for my 50th birthday. Sung to the tune of Alice Cooper’s, “Eighteen”.

Spots form on my face and hands
Wrinkles form around my eyes
I’m outside without any pants
It’s easier to water the plants

I’m fifty
And I forgot what I want
Fifty
I just forgot what I want
Fifty
I think I gotta pee
I better get out of this bed
I’ll go places without my meds
Oh yeah

I still got my driver’s license and a big ass car
Took Fifty years to get this far
Don’t always remember what I was talkin’ about
I hear you, you don’t have to shout
‘Cause I’m Fifty
I get confused every day
Fifty
Huh? What did you say?
Fifty
I think I’m in the way

Spots form on my face and my hands
Wrinkles form around my eyes
I’m in the middle
The middle of the road
My blinker’s on and I don’t care
I’m Fifty and I’m achy
Yes I’m achy
Oh I’m achy
Cranky
Achy
Cranky
Fifty!
Fifty!
Fifty!
Fifty and I’m cranky!

Now get off my lawn!

Written by David A. Ufer

June 16, 2014 at 4:15 pm

Posted in Eyes, Faces, Health, Me, Music

Tagged with , , , , , , ,

The Ghost of Christmas Past – Part One

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I know it’s only October but as I was driving home the other night, with the air conditioner blowing cool air at my face, I was reminded of Christmas when I was a kid. I was in a quiet, reflective mood and my mind drifted back to the celebrations at my grandparent‘s house.

Christmas started early for us kids as we would wake up to our overflowing stockings at the foot of our beds. After examining the goods that Santa literally laid at our feet, we would jump out of bed and not so quietly sneak downstairs to see what the jolly old elf put under the tree. We were never disappointed!

After opening our gifts and eating breakfast, we drove over to our grandparent’s house where we feasted on delicious holiday fare and spent the day laughing, singing and playing with our new toys with brothers, sisters and cousins. What a blast we all had!

By the time we had to go home, we were exhausted. We bundled up in our heavy coats, scarves and hats for the short ride home that seemed to last forever. The icy chill stabbed through our clothes and stung our faces all the way home. The car never seemed to heat up until we pulled into our driveway.

Looking back on those nights now, the cold chill on my face didn’t seem much different than the cool breeze provided by my car’s air conditioner.

Funny how one’s perspective changes over time.

Written by David A. Ufer

October 14, 2013 at 7:06 am

Begin As You Mean To Go On

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Image Courtesy of http://thenextweb.com

Image Courtesy of http://thenextweb.com

She stood there, smiling

He stood there, anxious

She recognized him immediately

They hugged, greeted each other

Her sweet, delicate perfume tantalized him

He drew in a deep breath

Held it in his lungs,

Filled himself with her scent

The music played, too loudly to speak

They found a table in the back

She had such beautiful brown eyes

An impossibly radiant smile

And a waterfall of chestnut curls

Cascading over delicate features

Her comely, demure nature

Pulled him in,

Heightened his desire for her

An occasional, gentle touch

Set his body abuzz with excitement

He wanted more

They talked through the night

It was easy, effortless

Like they had known each other

For weeks, months even

They walked to her car

Talked a bit more,

And shared a goodnight hug

He held her as long as he dared

The night ended far too soon

She left him with a memory

And hope

Written by David A. Ufer

March 11, 2013 at 7:48 am