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Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

Begin As You Mean To Go On

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Image Courtesy of

Image Courtesy of

She stood there, smiling

He stood there, anxious

She recognized him immediately

They hugged, greeted each other

Her sweet, delicate perfume tantalized him

He drew in a deep breath

Held it in his lungs,

Filled himself with her scent

The music played, too loudly to speak

They found a table in the back

She had such beautiful brown eyes

An impossibly radiant smile

And a waterfall of chestnut curls

Cascading over delicate features

Her comely, demure nature

Pulled him in,

Heightened his desire for her

An occasional, gentle touch

Set his body abuzz with excitement

He wanted more

They talked through the night

It was easy, effortless

Like they had known each other

For weeks, months even

They walked to her car

Talked a bit more,

And shared a goodnight hug

He held her as long as he dared

The night ended far too soon

She left him with a memory

And hope


Written by David A. Ufer

March 11, 2013 at 7:48 am

The Clampetts Visit That Swedish Meatball Furniture Store

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Just how much furniture can one fit into a 2003 Mustang GT? Well, let me answer that; an entire apartment’s worth, that’s how much!

Those Swedes are geniuses with their modular designs and packaging. Two armchairs, two foot stools, a very large 6′ x 4′ picture mural including frame, queen-sized bed frame with head board and foot board, chair and foot stool cushions, assorted kitchen accessories and the hide from a small Yeti all slid, crammed and otherwise stowed somewhat Tetris-like into my car. Add myself and two passengers all in the front seat and I was glad I didn’t eat too many more of those delicious meatballs!

It was my first trip to that store but I can be pretty much assured it won’t be my last. I may not ever need any furniture from there but I could easily have filled the car will all kinds of accessories and knick-knacks. Maybe if I deck out my kitchen and make it more hospitable for cooking, I can get a cute girl to cook for me.

The First Thanksgiving

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Another Thanksgiving holiday has come and gone and as I reflect on this most recent four day weekend, I can’t help but think how truly thankful I am at how everyone has held true to the reason for the holiday. I can just imagine how the original settlers celebrated this joyous event.

Back in 1492, Christopher Columbus sailed from Italy in search of anything important enough to give him his own holiday but he was really hoping to reach America where the kids would learn poems about his sailing prowess and plague-giving abilities. Somewhere along the way he got lost and landed on the shores of India or Ireland or some place like that. Regardless, he screwed up, which left America, as it was already being called in all the travel brochures, wide open for the Pilgrims.

Now the Pilgrims, aptly named for their crappy attitudes and solemn countenances, were tired of the poor dental practices in England and decided in 1620 to load all their belongings into a Mayflower moving company transport ship and sail to America; the land of baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet. Upon arrival in the beautifully balmy state of Massachusetts, Starfleet Captain John Smith strode ashore and tripped over Plymouth Rock, gashing his knee in the process. This brought forth much laughter from Daniel Day-Lewis and the other Mohican tribe members who were taking a break outside one of their casinos.

After the rest of the Pilgrims unloaded their steamer trunks and Louis Vuitton suitcases from the ship, they were invited in to the casino for the buffet, which in Mohican meant “germ-fest” and since it was Thursday, the kids ate free. The Pilgrims winked knowingly to themselves as they were told it was still early and therefore wouldn’t need “reservations”.

After the meal, the Pilgrims opened their fortune cookies, revealing their lucky lottery numbers, left a small, insignificant coin as a tip for Sacajawea, (about one dollar in today’s market) and waddled back to the ship where they all unbuckled their pants and fell asleep in front of the TV to a rerun of I Love Lucy.

So there you have it, a fairly accurate recap of the first Thanksgiving celebration as told to me by my grandmother. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!

Oh My My, Key Lime Pie!

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I took a little weekend excursion to Anna Maria Island and dined at a wonderful place called The Sand Bar. This gem of a restaurant is directly on the beach with tables and chairs right on the sand. It was dark when we arrived which limited the view but the company I was with more than made up for that!

We ordered an appetizer of shrimp and grits as well as a fried shrimp salad. Both dishes were terrific but the piece de resistance was about to arrive; Key lime pie. I mostly order Key lime pie for dessert whenever I do decide to indulge myself so I can judge who has the best. Well, let me tell you, I have never had a slice more decadently delicious than last night!

Visually, there were no indications of the joy I was about to experience. A pale-yellow triangle was flanked by two rosettes of whipped cream with another atop the narrow end of the slice. A dark red ribbon of raspberry glace accompanied the pie on my plate.

Ok, so I had studied my dessert long enough; it was time to eat! I slid the business end of my fork sideways down through the tip of the Key lime goodness, pulling some of the freshly made whipped cream along for the ride and snapping the graham cracker crust with a very satisfying “click” against the plate. A hint of the raspberry sauce completed the ensemble.

My anticipation almost got the better of me but I offered the first bite to my date. The look on her face told me I had clearly made a wise choice for dessert. Now, it was my turn!

The syrupy pureed raspberry sauce hit me first. Its delicate sweetness was quickly followed by a little piece of Heaven on Earth. My lips puckered and my mouth watered with that first forkful of the tart, creamy pie filling. It melded with the raspberries to produce a glorious harmony the likes of which my taste buds have never known! A subtle touch of honey accompanied the crispness of the graham cracker to complete this almost spiritual trinity of flavor, lightness and crunch.

So there you have it, my unabashed ode to the most perfect slice of Key lime pie I have ever encountered. If you ever find yourself on Anna Maria Island, you owe it to your soul to track down this little morsel of goodness.


Written by David A. Ufer

October 8, 2012 at 5:27 am