50?

Here’s something I came up with last month for my 50th birthday. Sung to the tune of Alice Cooper’s, “Eighteen”.

Spots form on my face and hands
Wrinkles form around my eyes
I’m outside without any pants
It’s easier to water the plants

I’m fifty
And I forgot what I want
Fifty
I just forgot what I want
Fifty
I think I gotta pee
I better get out of this bed
I’ll go places without my meds
Oh yeah

I still got my driver’s license and a big ass car
Took Fifty years to get this far
Don’t always remember what I was talkin’ about
I hear you, you don’t have to shout
‘Cause I’m Fifty
I get confused every day
Fifty
Huh? What did you say?
Fifty
I think I’m in the way

Spots form on my face and my hands
Wrinkles form around my eyes
I’m in the middle
The middle of the road
My blinker’s on and I don’t care
I’m Fifty and I’m achy
Yes I’m achy
Oh I’m achy
Cranky
Achy
Cranky
Fifty!
Fifty!
Fifty!
Fifty and I’m cranky!

Now get off my lawn!